Understood or Understand?

Word development is an interesting study. If you’d like to impress your friends, it’s formally called etymology. Language development in English meanders like channels through a marsh with its adaptation and assimilation from other languages. Development isn’t always a clear path. It can be frustrating to trace as the vernacular is ever fluid. With familiar words being applied to new meanings, communication can become complex. Apparently, I was glazing the other day according to my children and I wasn’t anywhere near Krispy Kreme.

Word development creates communication challenges but it’s just one challenge. It’s remarkable how difficult it can be to transport thoughts from brain to brain on the wings of our words. Words are a tool we use daily and yet using them effectively takes enormous skill. It feels safer and easier to forgo the effort and keep them locked up between the ears. Sometimes that is the wise thing to do but not always. If we don’t learn to express our thoughts in a constructive way, they can easily take us captive. We become full of resentment or shame and neither promote growth. Relationships quickly deteriorate if communication wanes and it’s not just the frequency of communication but its effectiveness.

I was recently reminded of a piece of advice attributed to a late friend of mine. He was a man full of wisdom that can only be acquired from a life of experiencing God. He had depth from this wisdom and knew how to graciously impart it to others. The saying went something like, “fight for understanding rather than being understood.” What a profound nugget of wisdom. It’s a piece of wisdom that could elevate communication in every relationship.

So much of our energy in communication is aimed at being understood. We want to get our point across but getting a point across doesn’t resolve the real issue. Resolution requires a mutual level of understanding. Understanding seeks the perspective of the other before rendering judgment. 

There is a drastic difference in the fun little etymological discrepancy between being understood and understanding. Two words originating from the same source that flow to two distinct destinations. Considering the definitions provides helpful insight. To be understood refers to the idea of being fully apprehended (as in caught or seized). To achieve understanding refers to the idea of adjustment of differences or even the idea of sympathy. It’s no wonder communication becomes a challenge if our efforts are limited to being understood. To be understood isn’t a bad thing but it is a different perspective from seeking understanding.

Happy is a man who finds wisdom and who acquires understanding, for she is more profitable than silver, and her revenue is better than gold. Proverbs 3:13-14

With whom do we need to seek understanding? It’s a different destination than being understood but it’s a pathway to effective communication. Communication is the basis of every relationship. It takes intentionality and effort but it’s a deep well that sustains continued growth.